'What on earth is going on with me?': Understanding mental health challenges

This content may contain discussions or references to mental health, anxiety, and depression. Reader discretion is advised, and if you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, please seek professional help or support.

“Much like the ocean, the brain is also an unexplored realm.” 

I didn’t fully understand this until my early 20s. And if we’re being totally honest here, I didn’t even give mental wellness much thought back then! Being surrounded by people raised in the ‘60s–boomers–all I “knew” was this was something rich people go through. Boy, was I wrong.

My journey began without warning, much like a sudden storm at sea, only I was in my office cubicle. It started with feeling as if thousands of tabs were simultaneously open in my mind, each running worst-case scenarios. My muscles tensed up, and suddenly, my mind decided to hyperfocus on my heart that’s rapidly beating. Within seconds, I couldn’t catch my breath and the surroundings looked like a vignette video. I was convinced I was dying of a heart attack, as the rest of my body was either cold or numb. 

I underwent countless X-rays, cardiological tests–ECGs, and stress tests. After hours and hours of waiting in hospital benches and one too many trips to emergency rooms, results would always come back normal. 
“I’m okay,” I convinced myself with a lump in my throat.

It didn't matter if I was busy or unoccupied, happy or sad, asleep or awake–this kept happening at the randomest of times. The more I brushed it off, the stronger the currents of anxiety became. Symptoms even manifested in various physical forms. It was a losing battle, and I found myself emotionally and physically exhausted beyond words.

“Tuloy ang buhay. Hindi ka mayaman,” I told my middle-class myself. I dragged myself out of bed, and went on with life in flight mode, but was determined to put an end to what was happening to me. A quick Google search convinced me to see a psychiatrist–and this is how I finally found answers–sort of. 

I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Depression. But instead of finally breathing a sigh of relief, I questioned myself even more: “You never struggled. Everything was provided to you. Now, you